What I need to know is if I should still send this letter, untouched as it was written before the talk or should I just forget about it and come up with something different.
Also when we finished our conversation she invited me to call her anytime. Well, it was a nice gesture but I find myself with nothing to say and only wanting to talk about things we can't talk about. I don't think I can have a shallow conversation with her and feel satisfied.
Anyway, on to the letter.
I hope this letter is ok, I know we aren't suppose to have any contact but after our breakup I've had a lot I wanted to say to you and the short time we had on the phone was just too short. If you don't care to hear what I have to say please stop reading now.
Breaking up with you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. All at once, I not only lost my lover but I also lost my best friend. I also lost half of me because you balanced my life. Every time I look at my rats I remember you, but they always know how to cheer me up. You meant more to me than you realized. Remember Kendra? Getting over her was 1000 times easier than getting over you. This past month has been challenging. I have been writing so much in my journal now, thanks for helping me start it, I don't know where I would be without the ability to write my thoughts down. I have learned from this experience and grown. I'm not the same person I once was, lots of things have changed in my life, some for the better, some for the worse, but I'm glad to say that I didn't turn over to the dark side of life. In fact, I've have found my true self thanks to you.
I have to thank you so much for rescuing me. If it wasn't for your love and patience for being with me for two years I would still be in the dark pit I had dug myself into. I am so sorry that you had to be with me during those times, but you saved me and saved my life. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. I really believe that no one else could have done what you did for me. I wondered every day when I was with you how you could be with such a bad person as me and I cherished every day that you were with me. I now see you had that hope to find that part of my life I was hiding from myself and you did find it. You have been placed in my life for that purpose and you did it.
Now that I have grown and changed I am looking at life and love from a new perspective, or should I say an old perspective. Remember how you use to say you wish you met Nai when he was 20? Before he was damaged by Tina and before he repressed himself. Well, that part of my life was dead but now I believe I am back. I'm finding those passions once again as those aspects of my life are reawakened. I just wish now that you would have met me now instead of two years ago because I could love you back the way you deserve to be loved. I just hope now I can find someone as genuine as you so I can now express that new/old aspect of my life. I am so much happier now with this new outlook. Thank you again and again and again!
I'm not as anal about money anymore, I don't take small things so seriously anymore, I have my compassion for people back again, I am nicer, friendlier, more giving and much less critical. I spend without worry over the small things and reassessed what I value in life, took away the small things I valued and focused more on the big things.
Ok, I know all this mushy stuff is probably making you uncomfortable, but I had to let you know. On to something ratty. Tammy says hi, Izma says hi, Leah, Chelsea, Marie, ultra squeaker, tails, muffy, piper, chewie, Brenda, whistler, jadded, and tardy say hi. Pepe, coonie, stormy, and Ralph say hi too. Constable died a month ago on January 28th. I miss him so much but he's in a better place now. I really do miss pooping him three times a day. Tammy loves sleeping in my lap and can spend all day with me without peeing on me! She now comes out of the cage on command and jumps on my arm. I wouldn’t know what to do if I didn't have tammy.
Other stuff that's neat. The house is clean! You should see the kitchen, it's not cluttered and there's tons of counter space. I've been throwing away half of everything I've had! I'm dusting regularly now. I've also started working out and am on a rigorous schedule that I enjoy. I watch what I eat, count calories and look at the nutrition label for everything, eating five times a day. You would be proud of me. I'm actually going out, having fun and hanging out with my friends more often now.
I hope you don't find this letter too offensive, if not, please write back or something.
Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to read this.