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letting GO.

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[10 Nov 2005|12:52am]

Hi. I would like a list of songs that are good to listen to to deal with being dumped and heartbroken. Not wistful, sad songs, but songs that basically say "Fuck you, I'm better off without you" and the like. Energetic songs that make you realize that you are a great person and that you don't need that douchebag.

Sorry. I am currently nauseated with pain and I need to take steps to rid myself of this.
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hey, your stories are very important! [30 Aug 2005|10:51pm]
Hey, I'm not yet 18, but I'm writing a book about breakups from people in middle school to people in college. So if you're from the ages of 11-22, I need your breakup stories. They don't even have to be breakup stories, they can be dating stories. They can be stories about friends who broke up, or things you did on the rebound...ANYTHING.

It's important, especially, to say how you felt in the situation. (ie: regrets, feelings, being happy about it.)

THE NAMES WILL BE CHANGED. If there are any concerns, feel free to ask me what to change and what not to change. I want to make it so nobody knows who is writing theset stories. However, you will probably be able to tell if the book gets published. So please write in. Thanks!

you can reach me by my email address or just leave a comment with your story. You can also check out more information by clicking my livejournal profile. Thanks.
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the ex in my life [27 Aug 2005|11:50pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

so my story is long, but i'll give you what i think of as an abbreviated version.
i dated someone through two years in high school and then two in college. we did the distance thing in college, me traveling to see him every couple weeks, keeping things pretty strong. we have an intense connection, we have gone through periods spending every minute together and talking about getting married etc. we've also had tough moments, arguments and just general periods of separate growth.
we broke up almost a year ago. i was planning to move away, he was in senior year of college, we both decided it was time to be single for a bit. still, we would sleep together when in the same place, talk on the phone often, and talk about getting back together. we both dated other people in a casual way. he slept with someone else, i did not.
now i've returned from being away and at first all i wanted was to get back together. we discussed it and he said he wasn't sure if he was ready, etc. i said fine and got ready to wait it out. now a couple months later, i've decided that i'm not ready and he's decided he is. he gave me a very harsh ultimatum a week ago, telling me to not date, kiss, sleep with, consider being with another guy, if i intended to get back with him. i found this to be incredibly controlling. i've always been able to tell him about other attractions and happenings with other guys, but now i feel like i don't need to cause it will just fuel his jealously.
so the issues now are: i went on a date with a guy, very sweet, new to my life, available, good kisser. i didn't tell the ex. i don't want to tell him, but he asks many questions and i feel weird about lying after always being honest. still i don't find it much of his business, as nothing is serious with new boy. i know now, one week after the ultimatum that i don't intend to be ready to get back together for awhile. i want to explore further, see more, be single. i'm finding it incredibly difficult to communicate these feelings, constantly feeling guilty that i will hurt the ex. both the ex and i have tried some ignoring, or as we call it being super busy and unable to talk strategies since our ultimatum talk and it seems to be working. can i really keep going like this, or do i need to tell him?
side note: i am not sleeping with the ex anymore, by personal choice, to keep some boundaries that should have been in place when we broke up originally. he is aware of this and hates my decision but respects it so far.
my theory is that it will all come to be whatever its supposed to be with some time and reflection. how can i keep myself sane until that point?

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HELP [24 Mar 2005|08:39pm]

Hey everyone...here is my story as short as possible.

I dated..loved..was going to marry ...we had already had our children named ..for two years...a guy named X.

X works 7 days a week as an intern for a very large firm. He is very stressed out..i haven't seen him in 6 months since he started work...but at one time he loved me.

He decided to break up with me because he could not be there for me...and he stopped loving me.

But the bastard still calls me up...calling me by my pet names..saying that in a year he wants to move to seattle and live with me after he has saved some money to take the bar up here.

I am so confused. He says he wants to live with me in a year...but he doesn't love me? What if I date other people??? What?????

If any one knows how to decode guy language please help me...
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Love letters? [19 Dec 2004|07:29pm]

I am creating a found objects art creation *specatcular* sculpture made out of ribbons, broken glass and love letters.

The only problem is that I am in need of love letters.

If any of you have any to donate, it would be much appreciated!!!!

Good way to let go of the past and let it be made into something beautiful...

P.s. Unsent love letters to ex boyfriends who are dumb jack arse's will work just fine.
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Its To Dying In Anothers Arms...And Why I Had To Try It [29 Jul 2004|12:17pm]

Hi...I'm new.

I'm not sure how to start off...my boyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. He broke up with me 2 days after our 10 months. It hurts so bad. He was my first real love, I even lost my virginity to him...things were great but then we started fighting a lot. We had a small break and we got back together. Then I guess things didn't change much. He told me he just wants to be friends, I dont think I can do that. I love him too much. I feel so hurt...so alone. He hardly talks to me anymore and hes already dating other girls. I can't describe the feeling I have but I hate it. I told myself not to cry over a guy but I never knew it would feel like this...I didn't think it would hurt like this. I want him back so bad...I dont know what to do...
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I'm new [06 Jul 2004|01:01am]

I suppose what I'm going to put down is going to sound...I don't know odd. When it happened I could only think of those bad teenybopper movies, with the cheerleaders..And the..Argh. I just couldn't believe something like that could happened to me.

My boyfriend Tristan had been real important to me. He wasn't my first boyfriend exactly, but he was the first one I felt totally comfortable with. Even though I was young, and I still am very young..I felt that I might even marry him. I was so wrapped up in him that I had such an idiotic idea. Now I feel so stupid when I look back on it.

I went to an AAR concert with him, my best friend Tara, and his friend Justin (who Tara had been dating at the time). I lost Tristan and the rest of them somehow, and I finally did find Tristan. I found him with my best friend. I don't want to say 'I found my best friend and boyfriend making out'..Because it sounds so..I don't know how to explain. It sound so ugly. If you get what I mean by that. I mayb not want to say it, but it's what happened.

I stopped talking to them two of them not so long after the incident. This happened a little while back ago and I thought I was over it, but now with them trying to re-enter my life, I feel like it's happened all over again.
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[06 Jun 2004|11:19am]

[ mood | grr ]

so. i found this diary clicking around and i really really need to vent my story.
i dated this guy bobby since 7th grade. he was my first real boyfriend and i loved him. he was my first kiss. first makeout. first other things besides sex. well we recently broke up after two years in April. we never fully broke up. it was really weird. I went on spring break and he spent his week playing tonsil hockey with one of my now best friends. well i didn't know. i pleaded with him back. i mean begged. and he said no. so my best guyfriend Ben came along. and he asked me out on April 17th. I said yes because i'd had a thing for him for a while now. well anyway, he kept telling me how horrible my boyfriend was and drove ben away. ben couldn't handle bobby's stupidity and broke things off (he also felt like a shitty boyfriend). well anyway. during all of this, bobby comes around and tells everybody that i ABUSED him. i physically and emotionally abused him. yeah right. i am 5'2 weigh about 120. he is almost 5'9" weighs 180. i was and still am downright appalled by those alagations. his family hated me. they forced me into therapy too. his little brother drove me nuts. but i styed. because i "loved him". the funny thing is, i could come back and say i was sexually absued but i haven't. he made me preform sexual favors. he even wanted to have sex with me so bad, that he had me preform anal sex so HE COULD BE A FRIKKEN VIRGIN. and one time, i was crying so hard because it hurts and he got mad at me because he didn't orgasm. damnit. no one knows that story either. he repeativly IM's me and such. and I just want to move on with. I am to the point now, where I have no intrest in sharing feelings with men ever again. My sister is getting married and everytime I hear her talk about her fiancee, my stomach gets twisted and i feel sick.
so anyway. now he has a new girlfriend and she loves tormenting me. i am going to post a couple chats i had with him.
this is very good therapy for me.
he's soccer
LittleEmoRocker: do you love me?
LittleEmoRocker: not in a "oh baby" way
SoccerM: as a human being yes
LittleEmoRocker: what does that mean?
SoccerM: thats means i have the love that i have for every other human life
SoccerM: i had deeper love before but it faded
LittleEmoRocker: i dont get how "true love" can fade
LittleEmoRocker: cuz i still love you deeply
SoccerM: well it did
LittleEmoRocker: and usually you love your first true love forever
LittleEmoRocker: im just curious
LittleEmoRocker: because how would you feel if i told you i didnt have love for you anymore
LittleEmoRocker: ?
SoccerM: i would accept it because that happens
LittleEmoRocker: i honestly do not understand how "the deep love we had for each other" can fade in two months
SoccerM: its not a deep love
SoccerM: anymore i mean
SoccerM: it doesnt mean i dont still have some kind of love for you

he always said i was his love, he'd love me forever and always. what a liar.

LittleEmoRocker: can you just tell me a yes or no answer. do you even wanna be my friend? cuz if you do ill give you space and try and work things out but if you dont ill leave you alone for the rest of my life/yours
SoccerM: im debating right now
SoccerM: so give me space
LittleEmoRocker: well i'd like to get on with my life
SoccerM: well go ahead then
LittleEmoRocker: well i dont know if you want me to include you
SoccerM: right now im not sure
LittleEmoRocker: im sorry bobby but its been three months.
SoccerM: well then fine do not include me
LittleEmoRocker: reason?
SoccerM: if you are gonna either move on or wait, you should move on cuz i wont be sure for awhile and right now its a no
LittleEmoRocker: well why is it a no?
LittleEmoRocker: we've never like talked about anything fully. it just ends up in one of us getting mad. and we will never resolve things if we continue that way.
LittleEmoRocker: and i really desperatly dont want you out of my life
SoccerM: well if you want me to decide now than its a no
SoccerM: so dont vive me all the usual crap you give me when i say that
LittleEmoRocker: well, it your decison then
LittleEmoRocker: i want you in my life
LittleEmoRocker: i love you. i always will
SoccerM: these past coupe of weeks when you havent been involved in my life a freat deal have been very peaceful, not saying you arent peaceful, but i oike it the way things are and if you not being around makes things better for me then so be it
LittleEmoRocker: well you didnt think this breakup wouldnt be easy did you?
SoccerM: no i didnt
SoccerM: but its gotten very easy to realise that things are better now then they were before
LittleEmoRocker: i never wanted it to be this hard.
LittleEmoRocker: well i know you dont want me in your life
LittleEmoRocker: im coming to terms with the fact you dont love me and want me around. but realise, how much you mean to me and how much your hurting me. even though you dont wanna think about me. i want you happy. thats all i ever want for you. but i want you in my life. im sorry but you are a huge part of me adn jow that you've told me that you dont want me around, it's like everything was torn apart
SoccerM: i am extremely happy right now
LittleEmoRocker: well i'm happy for you
LittleEmoRocker: but do you care about my happiness?
SoccerM: and if thats what you wanted for me, then you should just let me be
SoccerM: i do care but i guess i just care about how i feel more because i cant always go around thinking about other people more than myself
LittleEmoRocker: well how does it make you feel when people are hurting the girl you loved for two years?
LittleEmoRocker: im just curious
SoccerM: it does but im looking out for myself for once in my life
LittleEmoRocker: well you cant be self-centered all the time
SoccerM: now im self centered
SoccerM i love this
LittleEmoRocker: you admitted you were
LittleEmoRocker: i cant always go around thinking about other people more than myself
SoccerM: i said im caring more about myself for once
LittleEmoRocker: thats self-centered
SoccerM: fine it is
LittleEmoRocker: im just saying
LittleEmoRocker: well i'm going to tell you this,
SoccerM: ...
LittleEmoRocker: you tore out my heart wripped it into shreads and stomped all over it robert reitman. i will always love you forever and nothing can ever stop me from that. nothing. you meant the world to me. i gave you so much. i cared about you very deeply. and its hard for me to see us end like this. but i will always always love you. you were my first love. my first real love.
SoccerM: bye
SoccerMomsKick signed off at 8:32:18 PM. <<-blockedme.thenunblocked me

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[02 May 2004|03:19pm]

i wrote this entry in this community in late october. to sum it up, my boyfriend had told me he had feelings for someone else, and we broke up. we continued to be romantic and intimate with each other, even though we weren't together anymore, and he was pursuing the other girl.

3 and a half months of hell later, in february, he got into a relationship with the girl, but was still obviously longing for me in some ways. one night (quite by accident) he even cheated on her with me. after 1 month, they broke up because she no longer wanted to be with him; she decided it was a mistake. they pretty much stopped having contact, she found a new boyfriend, and he and i continued to build our relationship. now we are basically back together, and he says he's 100% committed to me.

now the other girl has broken up with her boyfriend, and is acting like she wants to come back into my boyfriend's life - as a friend or a girlfriend, i'm not sure which. he hasn't responded to her at all so far, and he just went out of town for a week. i'm left not knowing what to do. what if he's only with me because it's convenient, and because what he really wanted fell through? i do think that he loves me - he says he does - but i'm terrified of having my heart broken all over again. i don't want to get happy and comfortable being with him, only for him to go back to school (an hour away; she also goes to school with him) and go back to the girl.

any ideas? what should i do? should i trust him? (he's never lied or cheated on me.)
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Wayne- Slow Down [31 Mar 2004|11:30pm]

I can carry this so far and then something must give way
Searching a lifetime for nothing wouldn't seem fair
Bored by the overdone drama of it all
Puzzled by the thin antique face there on the wall
Following something that someone said must be there
Pull back the reins and slow this mother down I'm falling off
The faster you move the closer to the end and there's a lot that I haven't done

I can see for the most part things that might drift away
and with the speed that they pick up something must be there

So I pull back the reigns...

It's so simple when it's all brand new
Somehow it all catches up with you
Just don't let it slice you up and pass you around

I will pull back the reins...
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[31 Mar 2004|11:03am]

OK, so Adam is my exboyfriend. We dated for three and a half years and have not dated or slept together for a year now. Lately he has been calling and we have been hanging out. Last night we went to play shuffleboard and have beers at a bar.

The guy on my side of the table for shuffleboard asked me if Adam was my boyfriend so I had to explain NO, we just used to date. He said, "If he is hanging out with you then that means he wants to hook up."

This makes me crazy. Because now multiple people have said that to me. I am seriously convinced that Adam really doesn't think like that...he just likes beer and hanging out and if I'm there, so what. He knows I don't know where I'm going to be in two months, and how I feel on dating right now, etc. He knows me.

I guess maybe, then, he thinks that maybe eventually he would get to have sex with me???! Why would he try to have sex with me?? He KNOWS I am crazy/emotional. It seems like he would have an easier time trying to get no-strings-attached sex from a different random person.

Is Adam trying to have sex with me and I just don't realize it???!

Soooo....I just broke up with my boyfriend and now I won't have any sex till who-knows-when..............hrmmmm, Do you think I could ever in the far future have sex with Adam and have it NOT be emotional???!

Maybe I should just email adam and be like OK, just wondering, are you trying to have sex with me? Or are we just friends here? The thing about that is technically he hasn't tried to put the moves on me, so I have no evidence that he is indeed trying to bed me if you will. hahaha.

Anyways, we played lots of shuffleboard and drank a few beers. And then I went home...wondering, why does he even want to hang out with me?! Am I seriously naiive here?
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Hi I need advice on a cheating Bf [10 Mar 2004|02:33pm]

[ mood | all of the above ]

i'm updating from the original post...

so for the past few days or so i ignored him. i let him call me and i find out she wasn't preg. he is all sorry and stuff... and that he loves me and wants to be with me etc. i told him i need time--i am undecided if i ever wanna be with him again. i found out the girl grabbed and kissed him, that's why he stopped talkin to her those weeks... and he stupidly goes back the night they had sex. at least i know he has a conscience(or some part of?)... i guess? as for ever being with him i am thinking i don't want to. i need to get another preg test, though to see what the future holds anyway.
thanks for the advice guys it helped :)
sorry for the bad grammar!

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here's a trick that you can do at home. [24 Feb 2004|05:55pm]

[ mood | creative ]

i'm tired of feeling like shit over my exes. so on the way home i thought of something that could help our poor angsting selves out of our collective well of sadness.

Menu to Moving on (a little from column A, a little from Column B):Collapse )

just trying to help.

4 comments|post comment

Should I send a letter. Need opinions [24 Feb 2004|09:26am]

[ mood | confused ]

Ok, I wrote this letter to my ex and intended on sending this via snail mail this week. We broke up a month ago to this day with no communications. Well things changed late last week when she called me out of the blue. She felt bad for breaking all lines of communication so suddenly but I knew it was necessary. Anyway, with that conversation that changed the plans for this letter. Since I had no idea she would call, I was going to make the first move by this letter. Much of what is said in the letter was not said in our phone conversation. The conversation mainly consisted of what we were doing and a lot of shallow talk about our lives.

What I need to know is if I should still send this letter, untouched as it was written before the talk or should I just forget about it and come up with something different.

Also when we finished our conversation she invited me to call her anytime. Well, it was a nice gesture but I find myself with nothing to say and only wanting to talk about things we can't talk about. I don't think I can have a shallow conversation with her and feel satisfied.

Anyway, on to the letter.
letter in its original formCollapse )

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Why? [12 Feb 2004|10:44am]

I wonder why I'm writing this here. Maybe it's for my own self edification, so that I know that my feelings and situation are not unique. Maybe it's for acknowledgement, looking for people to look into my life and say things are going to be ok. Maybe it's for feedback, looking for comments on my journal to know that my views are either right on the mark or totally off. Maybe it's just to vent.

Anyway, I'm here now, I have written this. Well, if anyone cares, here's my story. I started LJ just before my GF of two years dumped me. The journal is young and only 2 weeks old. It wasn't intended to be a woe is me journal about my broken heart but it has become that. If you are interested, read my journal, comment on it if you care, I don't know what I'm looking for now. In my mind I know things will be good once again, but I sure don't feel it.

Yes, I know it's unusual, I'm a feeling and thinking man but if you read my journal and didn't know my gender you would probably think it were a woman writing it.

Well, V-Day is two days away. What am I going to do?
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hello [03 Feb 2004|11:28pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

alright so im new to this comunity.. its not my first time writing in one of these things though.. it just seems the advice people give me is not helping... maybe its just not what i want to hear.. i dont know. but im so confused i dont know what to do!like i so desperatly want to move on but i just cant! its been almost 3 months since me and me ex broke up.. WHY AM I STILL MISERABLE! i still cry everynight.. i can never NOT think of him.. i love him so much why cant he see??? he has a new girlfriend and there "serious" so he says.. and we dont even talk anymore.. we went out for more than a year and he cant even talk to me anymore! i hate him so much but yet i love him with everything in me! please somebody tell me what i should do! im going insane! i miss him so much!!!

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[01 Feb 2004|01:01pm]
Would you continue a relationship where the only reason why s/he was in it was because you liked him/her?

That's pity, right? S/he feels sorry for you?

I just don't know. It was not supposed to be this way. I was happy!
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[30 Jan 2004|06:52pm]

[ mood | grim ]

I was broken up with in June and I have a new boyfriend whom I love. But I am still not over it really, although I'm more functional than I was. Not over it in many ways, and it sucks.

I'm asking if you think this is too long to be mourning. Like, do I need professional help?

I wonder how June will treat me this year.

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[28 Jan 2004|09:24pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

Have you ever been in love??

Horrible isn’t it?

It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up this whole amor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you.They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you or smile at you, and then you're life isn't your own anymore.

Love takes you hostage. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "Maybe we should just be friends" or "How very perceptive" or even something less than that, like not calling, turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. And it hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind.

Its a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
Nothing should be able to do that, especially not love.

7 comments|post comment

[28 Jan 2004|07:58pm]

[ mood | thirsty ]

My name is Jessieka and Im 21 years old.
Im new to the community. Just wanted to say "Hey!" to all the members =)

2 comments|post comment

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